Picture taken by Lydia Isnanto
“Oh are you still single? Seriously? But you are so gorgeous, you must be so picky!” – almost all people that I meet in this metropolitan city will give similar reaction.
For all single Asian ladies out there living in Asia, familiar with those words? Or is it just me?
Facing such comments and jokes are practically my daily bread, as well as seeing weird expressions looking at me as if I were an alien landed from Mars. These happens practically in most gatherings from marketplace to religious community, as if being single is an epidemic disease that needs to be cured.
Just a short intro – I’m in my late 30s and currently living in Jakarta. I was in relationships with all the ups and downs for a few years, and for some majestic reasons, I am back single since two years back, trying to move on from the past and living my life to the fullest.
Easy and smooth? Definitely………NOT! It is a journey and a process in the making. For me personally, it is a healing process from the guilt (sometimes), and hurt which also indirectly affect my self worth from time to time.
People perceive me as the ‘superwoman’ that can conquer the world, always strong, looking good, smart and problem solver. Yet only a small circle of BFFs that could read me in between the lines, my true blue version with all the dirty laundries. The brutal fact is this; I am vulnerable in many ways, so everyday I’m fighting my way up to live, to make meaning, to love and to be loved.
Nobody can eliminate your suffering. You have to endure it, love it, live through it, run across the bridge built by your own desire to heal, excel and become a better version of yourself.
As single in the city, there are a few myths that we need to break up from our minds that are:
- Being single means that you are guilty and weird
- Being single means that there are something wrong with you
- If you are still single at a certain age means that you gotta desperately evolve your life around find that missing soulmate.
- Being in a relationship is an achievement
- Happiness and wholeness only comes when you are in a relationship
It’s time for me and you to break those myths even though we are live in a culture that find singleness at a certain age as taboo.
This is my journey ‘in the making’ to find the love to the fullest.
Instead of focusing only finding the ultimate one love, bring as much love to all of your current relationship.
It is said that “without love humanity would not exist even for a day”, with those said, inject as much love to the relationship that you have. Treasure them with you heart and soul.
I thank the Universe for the gift of relationship that exist in my life, starting from having an awesome imperfect family, and also ‘second family’ which consist of BFFs, I refer them as my soulmates, a place to lean on for better and for worse in all seasons of life.
Do not take them for granted for the sake of finding ‘the one’.
It is believed that you only have one soulmate in life namely your spouse.
In contrast, you may have more than one soulmate in life, and your friendship sometimes could last longer than your marriage.
The most important relationship in life may not necessarily with the person you marry and have sex with. That is OK.
By letting go of only focusing ‘the one’ we open up to seeing and loving everyone especially the people in our inner circle.
Practice Love in every way in various communities.
Love is an art and need to be practiced daily. Everybody deserves to receive love and to be loved by you. Instead of waiting for the right person to express love, why not show our love to the people that we encounter. It could be the office boy that brings your food daily, the local community that you serve, and even the people that you hardly know.
People meet for a reason, and everyone has a story to tell. Let your word, action and presence bring joy and happiness in one’s life. Practice makes perfect. Let us aim to bring the qualities of love in our lives and in every moment.
There’s many opportunities everyday to demonstrate love in various millions way. Therefore, we have an abundant of choices daily to give love or not.
I choose love and forgiveness. How about you?
Fall in love with not only people, but also places, things, activities and most importantly, LIFE itself.
Single, beautiful and interesting. Decide to fall in love with places, things, and activities. Fall in love with life, and be excited with life.
There’s so much more in life and we are the storytellers to create the colors. Make your own life campaign to feel the adrenalin and you can post your activities in social media. Examples of my campaigns are #UpgradeMe #theBestOfMe #myBestSelf
My excitement bucket lists are:
- Explore Places. – Travel to distinctive places, embrace nature, people, culture, and express it in your forte such as blogs, photography, vlogs. Choose a travel buddy to share this adventure. Meet new people, and create everlasting future memories. I did this with my BFF in our US and Europe trip for the past two years.
- #UpgradeMe mission. – Be your best version by upgrading skill and knowledge. Perhaps exploring a certain activities that never occur in your mind. I took certain courses in the past years such as make up class, vocal class, and recently bought a camera to explore my interest in visual story telling, complementing my passion in writing. My two upcoming missions are to learn creating Vlogs, and editing skill for both photo and videos. Not to forget also to stay curious in anything that you observe and browse, because learning opportunities could exist everywhere in the places that you expect the least.
- Meet Up Different People, – Meeting new people takes extra effort for the half introvert person like me. But hey we should not close our exposure and network. We need to break that comfort zone (preaching to self too!) and show your charm and love to many.
Love yourself more than ever; treat your body and soul as the temple of Most High.
Sometimes we put too much pressure to ourselves, and we fail to appreciate and love ourselves. I am the woman in the mirror. When my self worth is attacked, I stand up and talk to the mirror. Self-declaration is a remedy to self-healing.
A famous pastor in Houston, Joel Osteen once said ‘You are what you think. You are what you said’, and I’m still doing it daily.
Time flies and we are not getting younger. Loving self also means taking care of your body; be mindful of what we consume, how often we move, and sleep. Food, exercise and rest in moderation. That’s the best anti aging.
Aging gracefully should be the goal. You want to stay beautiful and fantabulouZ regardless of your age. And when u look good, you will feel good within you. It all starts from loving yourself, and taking care of it inside out.
Love Your God with all your heart, your mind, and your strength
This is your superfood for the soul when your spiritual garden is flourished. Regardless of your belief, remember that there is One who controls the universe, who makes it in order, including our life. He is the ultimate creator and only through Him, hence we understand the purpose of life.
Then we will live our life accordingly, to do good, and add value in others.
When some day, God permits us to meet ‘the one’ with the same forte, then perfect it is.
Before that, keep living out loud to the fullest, pursue another dream, influence greater, as that’s what matters.
Your existence is a miracle of life. The best and only option is to become the best version of YOU, the most tender hearted, loving, and kind being.
My and your journey continues, we will survive.
Remember that you are not alone in this journey. #FantabulouZLife
With tender loving kisses,
One of FantabulouZ Founders
Send your questions and comments to