“I’m never good enough for this job”
“I’m never good enough to hang around these people”
“I’m never good enough to be a mother for my children”
“I’m ugly and fat. Nobody’s ever wanted me”
Ladies, have you ever thought that you are just never good enough even you have tried you best?
Have you ever feel that you are just as little as a drop of dust that means nothing in this world?
Have you ever thought of giving up your wishes, hope and dreams?
Me as the writer is guilty as charged when dealing with this “never good enough” situation.
"Sometimes, I’m terrified with my own future, afraid that I will never ever reached things that I have dreamed of. What if I failed? " "Some morning, I will just drag myself from my bed, starring on the mirror and feel that I look ugly, tired and defeated." "Some other day, I will think that I’m not good enough daughter, sister, wife or friend and I would never achieved anything great in my life.”
It is true that your harshest critics is always going to be yourself.
That moment makes you realise that no matter how much you fight, the “never good enough” mindset will always sneak into your mind.
That is why it is important to know yourself and learn how to deal with your past. One of the way is by learning how our brains work.
We hope after reading this article, all of you will gain ravishing knowledge about the power and the beauty of female’s brain.
“You need to learn to know and to love yourself.”
So.. keep on reading my ladies! You will be amazed with the truth and what you can possibly do to achieve success with that beautiful brain of yours.
"Low self-esteem is one of the roots that will lead into depression."
“Have you ever wondered why “never good enough” mindset always comes and goes and creeps around our thought?”
This “never good enough” thought will affect everyone in this world, regardless your age, gender, background and social status. Even when you are an innocent child.
In fact, from the studies done by professional physiotherapist, who deals with dysfunctional dynamic families, it shows that “never good enough” is accidentally internalised by the children subconsciously when they are so young in age.
It will contribute even more damage if the children are raised in either narcissistic or abusive families.
That small innocent child will always thrive to “fix” thing to achieve love, harmony and acceptance especially from mommy and daddy.
They will try their best to “please” their families in favour of gaining praises and acknowledgement by the people they love.
But how many will understand that the “self-fix” or becoming “people pleaser” will someday harm them when they become adolescent?
Those who never gained praises or approval from others will have the high tendency to think that they will “never be good enough”.
The seed of insecurity which is buried in their inner child, if it was not dealt with, will form a deep root and a forest of self-doubt and uncertainty.
The longer it stays, the longer it takes for a person to be healed and fully restored.
But again, as long as you want to take a small baby step, nothing is truly impossible.
“That is why it is important to understand your past experiences, what you had been through and learn to acknowledge that you are not perfect, but nonetheless you are a masterpiece in a making.”
The “never good enough” attitude as we call “low self esteem” surprisingly affects more on majority of women all around the world comparing to men.
“DOVE Self Esteem project” had done researched in the year of 2016 and showed that; only 4% of women worldwide consider themselves “beautiful” and by the time girls reach the age of 17, 78% will be unhappy with their bodies.
"7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with family and friends.”– Real Girls, Real Pressure: National Report on the State of Self-Esteem, Dove Self-Esteem Fund
So, is there any science behind why women are more prone with low self esteem compare to men even when they are equally or more talented?
We found a very interesting fact that, actually that “three-pounds organ” that rests between our ears is highly responsible for the cause.
When it comes to the brains of women and men, the differences are quite remarkable.
There are actual differences in chemistry and structure between male’s and female’s brain.
By learning those differences and having the knowledge on how our brain works, we will be equipped to deal with our flaws and drawback.
There are five important parts of the brain which plays important role when it comes to overall self confidence and self esteem.
What we need to learn is to treat these parts of the brain as if they were our best girlfriends.
In the real life, we have many different types of girlfriends with different characteristics, strength and weaknesses.
We need to to get to know them personally, nurture their well being and bring the best out of them to enjoy their full potential.
“What we need to learn is to treat these parts of the brain as if they were our best girlfriends.”
Amygdala a.k.a Ms. ANXIOUS
First, we need to introduce “ Amygdala” or as known as Ms. ANXIOUS.
Amygdala is a small almond shaped body which is located in the temporal lobe of the brain (behind each ear).
Research has shown that women activate their amygdala, the area in the brain responsible for “ fear”, more often than men.
When it is activated, Ms. Anxious will come up and it will create uneasiness and fear even on the issue that does not need to be concerned of.
The difference is Men’s Amygdala owns more testosterone receptors, which stimulates competitiveness.
That is why most of man will enjoy the fight and the thrill to be a winner.
Their amygdala make them to be more confident and willing to take more risk comparing to women. It also makes them to be more competitive and individualistic.
But with Ms. Anxious around, women feel the “need” to cultivate higher social skill compares to men.
They feel more secure if they are connected to one another instead of going through life alone and deserted.
That’s why they are excellent in forming support group. This brilliant networking skill is one of the most sought after attribute in a modern corporate world and it is proven to be an excellent quality trait of a leader in this new era of society.
“True confidence doesn’t have room for envy. It reminds us of all the ways we’re unique without having to compete with anyone else.”
Anterior Cingulate Cortex a.k.a. Ms. WORRY
While amygdala governs fear and pleasure, “Anterior Cingulate Cortex” (ACC) governs thinking and emotion.
If amygdala is Ms. ANXIOUS, we can call our ACC as Ms. WORRY.
Ms. Worry has been wired in the female’s brain since the very beginning of evolution.
The original function of her is actually to prompt women to be extra cautious and sensitive in order to protect their young ones and to understand the needs of a nonverbal infant.
It can be both good and bad at the same time. Too much of Ms. Worry in the brain is not helping at all, in fact it will worsen the condition of those who are struggling with low self esteem and self acceptance.
The good thing with this brain’s alarm system, women acquire greater intuition to sense danger and threat.
This trait will lead her to possess the ability to prevent bad things happen in their lives by making sure everything is in check and order.
That is why it is admirable and noble if women are successful in controlling their stress and at the same time able to solve their problem as well.
Of course it is not easy, due to Ms Worry in us.
But by disciplining her, we will learn a great deal of lesson in becoming a better version of ourselves every single day.
With the the ability of displaying empathy and higher sense of intuition which combine with “appropriate worry”, woman is highly qualified as an excellent leader wherever she goes.
Corpus Callosum a.k.a. Ms. SENSITIVE
Have you ever wondered why word of criticism may affect women so GREATLY compares to men?
The culprit who responsible for this is called “Corpus Callosum”, or we can simply call her, Ms. SENSITIVE.
Corpus Callosum is part of the brain which connects both right and left brain. Science found that corpus callosum in women is thicker and this enabling them to use both sides of the brain in a connected way.
Women also have language and emotional centers in both hemispheres and with thicker corpus callosum, women will be way more sensitive when hearing all harsh critics and judgments thrown to them.
Ms. Sensitive will be triggered and some woman will fall into the trap while hearing bad things about them.
The bad words and harsh criticisms could lead her into self-pity and poor self esteem.
If she did not handle it well, in a long run, it could lead into self-hate and depression.
But the good news to all ladies here; with a thicker corpus callosum, women has more advantage than men in language skill.
It is speculated that the larger portions of Ms. Sensitive in women may allow speech fluency and higher verbal intelligence than men.
This higher linguistic intelligence has been linked to improved problem solving, as well as to increased abstract reasoning.
It simply means that you are blessed with beautiful brain which is filled with fluid intelligence for you to think creatively and solve many challenges in your life.
“Women have more interconnectedness and communication across the Corpus Callosum, meaning we are more efficient to think creatively and solve many challenges in life”
Pre-frontal cortex a.k.a. Ms. CEO
Ms. CEO is located in the front parts of the brain behind the forehead and it is responsible for planning complex cognitive behaviour, personality, expression, decision-making and moderating social behaviour.
This part of brain is larger and matures faster in women than in men. Why is this so?
One of the theories is the influence of estrogen in female brain, which stimulates the faster development of the pre-frontal cortex.
The frontal lobe of our brain acts as the CEO. It carries duty to execute the function of overall brain activities. It involves planning, scheduling and deadlines.
That is why we often see females, both in their school years and in the work place, taking initiative to complete tasks ahead of deadlines.
The ability to make a better planning and decision making will help women to reach their “success” therefore it assists them in overcoming their feeling of inadequacies and insecurities.
Hippocampus a.k.a. Ms. REMEMBER EVERYTHING
Have you ever been in the argument with a woman and she can remember things in details of what was said and how it was said, the weather, the temperature and what you were wearing during that time?
And why is it so?
Studies found that the part of the brain which is responsible for this phenomenon is called “Hippocampus”. Hippocampus a.k.a. Ms. Remember Everything is critical for memory formation.
Its function not only to form new memories but also send memories to the appropriate area of the cerebral hemisphere for a long term-storage as well as retrieving them when necessary.
Women’s hippocampus is larger and more active thus contribute significantly in this matter.
This also shows that women have much better memory than men, especially when there’s an emotional component attached on it and acts as their defence mechanism.
So here is a good tip for all the men out there; if you want to make a good long lasting impression for your female counter part, make sure that the experience you created is linked to a good emotional feeling.
It does not matter whether you spend a lot of money on that romantic dinner or for that luxury holiday if you could not create a good feeling and romantic emotion for her to capture.
Another interesting finding is that Ms. Remember Everything is estrogen sensitive which acts as a relay station for processing memories into words.
We own 11% more neutrons than men in the brain center for language and hearing, thus women are a better negotiator and more superior in using their language ability to develop consensus more than men.
Isn’t this a tremendous revelation for all of us?
Ladies, that is why it is important to always guard our mind. Create as many beautiful memories particularly with your love ones while you are still alive and breathing in this world.
Try your best to make peace with all bad experiences and trauma in the past. By disciplining your mind and making a choice everyday to focus on good and pleasing memories, it will lead you to happier and meaningful life.
“A good memory is one of the most precious assets of the spiritual living” – Max Anders
It is true that knowledge is power and by getting all these critical information about the beauty of our brain, we will discover ourselves again in such a fascinating way.
At the end note, the writer would like to conclude that this article is definitely NOT a platform for males’ brains bashing or to make them feel less valuable than us, women. We are all created equal with our own uniqueness.
There will never be a 100% female’s or male’s brain existed on a human being. There will always be a good blend of both characteristics.
However, certain gender will show certain tendencies/traits and it all boils down to our root; our family history, upbringing, social influences, social status, cultural backgrounds, etc. All these important factors will shape the way we think and react.
FIVE STRENGTH FROM FEMALE'S BRAIN THAT WE CAN CELEBRATE ON: Collaboration Appropriate worry Intuition Self control Empathy
FantabulouZ hopes all the ladies out there would realise that with this fabulous brain that He creates for us, there is no reason for us to fall again into self-pity and “never good enough” attitude.
But on the contrary, we are neurologically wired to be successful in everything we do!
"I praise u because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" -Psalm 39:14, Holy Bible.
“It’s normal to feel like giving up or to feel lousy about yourself. But hey, learn to give a pat on your shoulder. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Coz, the most BEAUTIFUL people were born after what they have been through. They were torn and burnt and yet they still stand high and ready to fly into the higher realm.” — FantabulouZ